You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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