If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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