i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
