I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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