i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
