i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
