Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this boner is exhausting
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize