"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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