my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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