she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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