and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
