Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.