There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.