you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter