He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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