i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.