sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
