I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
