i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
