So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
