I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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