somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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