So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
