So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He shit in the fireplace
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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