I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
