his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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