Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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