when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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