Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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