You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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