Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
