quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
