Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
