I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
