Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
