You're so nebulous sometimes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My life is pants optional.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
