She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I just went to clothing optional bar
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
