k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
