idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So many bounce houses so little time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
