I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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