Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize