life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.