Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?