Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.