Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
