I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
