tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
