I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
