Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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