office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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