I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
