the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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