I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
