Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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