I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Drunk is a universal language darling
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
