I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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