She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
