My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
