I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
operation harelip BJ is a go
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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