I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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