I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
