there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
