my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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