I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My bed smells like the plague
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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