I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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