Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
