Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
