I'm really into asian looking animals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
