you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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