before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just tell him i said nine months
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
