It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
