Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize