Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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