we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
