Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize