We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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