Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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